A New Day, A New Year ... Welcome 2016!

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Tomorrow reigns in a brand new year. I can't believe another year has already come and gone! Isn't that the funny thing though, the days go by so slow, but looking back on the year feels like it is speeding by.

I'm not a fan of new year's resolutions. I haven't made a list in years. Instead, I chose to do something a little different. I decide on a word that represents a challenge for me to grow in an attempt to better myself over the course of the year. This past year my word was confidence. Over the course of 2015, I have increased my confidence in myself and my abilities greatly. I look forward to my new challenge in the new year.

In 2016, my challenge is resilience.

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Resilience has two meanings: the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc, after being bent, compressed, or stretched; and the ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like. (Dictionary.com)

I tend to shrink whenever I am challenged. Instead of defending myself, I dodge the situation often running the opposite way. Resilience allows me to bend without breaking, building upon my newly found confidence, to be able to stand up for myself.

I also tend to feel guilty whenever I make a mistake and beat myself up about it. Resilience gives me the ability to recover and move on without self-condemnation, but the determination to do and be better.

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I look forward to beginning the publication process on my novel, which I am going to need resilience as I begin to receive feedback and criticism.

I'm sure there are cases where resilience will help me that I haven't even thought about yet. I'm excited to find out how much this character trait will help me become a better me. And how it will help me overcome my fears, insecurities and depression.

I look forward to 2016 and everything it has to offer. On the other hand, I am excited for what every day has to offer, whether it's the first day of the year or the last, a Monday or a Friday. Looking back on how quickly a year goes by, I want to focus on living in the moment and enjoying every part of life, the times of quiet solitude, overcoming struggles and joyous triumphs.

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Tomorrow is a new year and with that often comes this eagerness to change who we are. I don't want that, I like who I am. However, I can always be better. I can always learn more and grow as a person. That is what I want for the next year and the next day. For tomorrow I will wake up on January 1st, the beginning of 2016, but it will also be Friday, the end of this week. And I will enjoy the day and be thankful to be alive and surrounded by family and seek out goodness.

Live well and without fear, 

laugh every chance you get 

and love with all of your heart.

Cheers, Friend!

Happy New Year!

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My Love, Hate Relationship With Winter

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Here in Seattle, WA, it's felt like winter for several weeks now. However, technically, we still have about 15 more days before the season dawns. The temperature dropped to 32 degrees Fahrenheit a couple times now. It's steadily in the upper 40's to low 50's, upper 50's on a warm day. For this Southern girl, that is cold. Though, even in South Carolina, where we moved from, it is only a high of 60 degrees today, so it seems to simply be a cold winter all around.

Another dilemma the Pacific Northwest produces this time of year is the rain. People in general have this perception about Seattle that it rains constantly all year round. That is false. We hardly get any rain during the summer, but during winter that perception is strikingly accurate. It doesn't rain heavily, not the afternoon down pours I'm used to during a Carolina summer, but it is wet--constantly.

I'm stating this as fact because I don't want to complain. I love this area and the rain is actually extremely inspiring to my writing. However, I strongly dislike being cold.

On the other hand, I love the holiday season. I love the twinkling lights brightening up downtown, the Macy's star and the Christmas tree in Westlake Park. I love Egg Nog Lattes at Starbucks and that warm feeling you get when you come in out of the cold.

I love Scout, our Elf on the Shelf, and the fun that we have. I love the joy of decorating, bringing cheer and liveliness into our house. I love baking and drinking hot tea on a cold winter's night.

Do you see my problem? I don't like the cold, but specifically because of that unfavorable condition yields the reason I take so much enjoyment in being home where it is warm and illuminated.

I have a love, hate relationship with winter. Though, in many ways, that tension is a perspective to view all of life--a series of checks and balances, of give and take. I don't like walking outside in the rain, but when I get home and get cozy and warm on the couch with a mug of coffee and a good book beside the lights of the Christmas tree, it is a happy, satisfied feeling.

The sun setting by 5pm and the rain often make me feel gloomy and stoic, but the joy of giving to family and friends and the cheer of the season gives me joy.

I'll try to concentrate more on the joy for this month. However, we'll see what this post looks like after a couple more months of this weather without the wonder of the Holidays to keep me warm.

Nanowrimo 2015 Winner!

I did it! I wrote 50,000 words on my novel in 30 days. To be accurate, I wrote 51,664 words in 27 days. I am extremely proud of myself!

I've tried to check in a few times this month, but honestly, I feel like a stranger to my own blog. Writing had become my priority for the entire month and I successfully completed my goal, which is amazing. However, now it is time to get back to reality, at least a little bit.

In many ways, I'm amazed that I completed my goal because for most of the month it felt like the odds were stacked against me.

It was during this month that my daughter's first grade teacher resigned to take a position outside of the district and so the class was reassigned a new teacher halfway through the first semester of the year.

Then we all got sick. Zoey was sick and out of school for 8 days (that does include the weekend and veteran's day which was a "no school" day). I don't know if you've ever tried to do anything productive while being sick or having a sick kid, but each day that I put any words in that week was a victory to me.

After we all finally began to feel better, the holiday rush began. Zoey was out of school an entire week for Thanksgiving break and I had extra hours at Old Navy due to Black Friday.

Nonetheless, through all the aches and pains, the distractions and illness, I did it. I wrote a novel in a month and it feels great!

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So now what? I've completed my goal, where do I go from here?

I've decided I'm going to keep writing. I want to keep the habits I've created and try to double my word count before the end of the year. I know there are parts that won't stay in my manuscript and parts that need to be changed so having extra words will only help me as I begin to edit after the first of the year.

This was a great experience. I learned so much about myself, my ability to create consistently and a new confidence about who I am and what I want in life. I've learned that I can write and for the most part still manage life. I want to keep these epiphanies in focus and strengthen my writing habits to be able to do even more with my craft, especially as I begin editing after the first of the year.

My #Nanowrimo2015 update:
Day 27

51.664 Words Written

Nanowrimo 2015: Halfway Point

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Today is November 15 and marks the halfway point of National Novel Writing Month! I am so proud of myself because I have been writing everyday. I entered in my word count for today bringing me to a grand total of 34,259 words over 15 days. This is well over my target word count for this day, which is 25,000 words, exactly half of the 50,000 word total that I am striving toward.

This challenge has been difficult, but also extremely fun as I push myself and my creative ideas. The other huge part of this challenge is creating good writing habits for myself. Granted, I won't be able to let writing take priority over everything else for an extended period of time. Nonetheless, I have found some creative ways to use my time so that I have more time available to write.

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One of my biggest accomplishments is being able to write around others, especially my loving, well meaning six year old little girl. I have always wanted complete quiet and stillness when I write and it is sheer determination and lots of practice to be able to write in a room with other people. I like being able to go right back to my thoughts after interruptions. Of course, there are times when I prefer quiet, but it is nice to be able to write out in the open instead of always trying to hide. It is a skill that I taught myself for reading years ago that has made me more happy overall; it's nice to be able to write in this manner too.

That is all for now, just a moment to check in. I am glad I am participating in the challenge. I like pushing myself creatively and I'm finally feeling more confident about calling myself a writer. So that in itself is a victory!

My #Nanowrimo2015 update:
Day 15

34,259 Words Written

"Your Elusive Creative Genius"

It is week 2 of Nanowrimo and this is the key time in the challenge of writing a novel in a month. Everything I've heard and read said to be careful this week and just keep writing, no matter how much you want to give up.

I've been so excited about this project and my decision to really do it, to put in the work and be a writer. Because of that passion, I haven't even considered giving up, but I have been dealing with the naysayers of this craft.

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I talked to my incredibly supportive husband about my doubts in a career of writing, mostly my crippling fear of failing or producing nothing of worth or value. He asked who doubted me. That made me stop for a moment. Everyone I talk to are extremely supportive about my decision to write. Some even go so far as to check in with me about how my Nanowrimo challenge is going this month and about my novel in general.

It took me a few minutes to realize that the only naysayer in the situation was myself and possibly society as a whole for its view of artists, writers and the creative lifestyle in general. Stephen said he couldn't really be mad a me for doubting myself and I had to concur. I realized that I would have to change my own way of thinking...have I even mentioned how impossibly difficult that is to do?

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As luck, or perhaps the great cosmic influence, would have it, I found my answer in a seemingly inconsequential decision to watch a TED talk about "Your Elusive Creative Genius" by Elizabeth Gilbert author of New York Times Bestseller Eat, Pray, Love.

In her speech, she talks of this anomaly the Greek and Roman creative minds had attached to their talent. They had what the Greeks called a daemon, a being that contained the same nature as both god and mortal. In Roman culture the word for daemon was "genius."  The genius provided a distance between an artist's art and his or her ego. For example, if a creation failed, it meant his genius hadn't stimulated him enough. On the other hand, if a creation took off to become immortal art, then the artist couldn't take full credit because his or her genius had bolstered him. However, how do you keep creating art or ideas when you know that your best idea may be behind you? With a daemon, at least you still had a sort of collaboration with this being of inspiration that kept you grounded and continuing to work and create for yourself and to share with others. But what would happened if that daemon stopped showing up as well?

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As the Age of Reason began to emerge out of the Renaissance, the idea of having a genius was lost and a man or woman was determined to be a genius, which put enormous amounts of pressure on a one fragile human soul. For many that was too much to take; there have been countless cases of artists of every medium to become insane and even take their own lives. Society, over hundreds of years, has thrust the idea that the arts and a creative lifestyle is an insane, irrational crusade. 

Gilbert's TED Talk is incredibly interesting and I would encourage you to watch it in its entirety on YouTube :

"Your Elusive Creative Genius" 

by Elizabeth Gilbert 

So what now? My passion has always been writing, reading, collecting quotations, and having an appreciation for all forms of art. However, society tells me that if I pursue this course I will end up irrational, poor and broken. That's not something very nice to fall asleep to at night. However, neither is the grind that comes from working a job that seeps the joy from my soul. Talk about a rock and a hard place...

This is the point where I have to make a decision about my life. Am I going to conform to society's interpretation of the arts? Or am I going to be brave and step out into the unknown to live a creative life full of passion and joy. It won't erase the heartache or the bad days, but those irrational, emotional pieces of art are truly valuable to society and the human psyche as a whole.

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I've never wanted to be a genius. I've never wanted the pressure to make something remarkable, that is simply too much to bear. However, I want to create something that means something to someone. I want to put my soul into my work and throw it out into the void of human interpretation so that someone, somewhere will feel inspired and loved and understand themselves a little better.

I write for myself, for my own soul. I have written these words so many times now that it almost seems redundant. Writing is how I understand the universe. When I go long periods of time without writing I get anxious, insecure and irritable. I don't really understand it, but writing is a permanent part of my psychological makeup, it is an irreversible part of who I am. When I am true to myself, when I write and share ideas and emotions, I feel better, I feel whole.

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So now I write. I'm writing my novel to try and share a feeling that means a lot to me right now. I want to share the power of love that stands the test of time. Despite societal association with writers and despite my own self doubts, I'm going to show up everyday and work hard on my craft. I want to do it, I want to create this novel and eventually send it out into the world to share something that I believe in.

Yes, that is scary, and if I begin to start talking to my genius for inspiration and revelation, at least you'll know that I'm actually doing it to stay sane and not going crazy...yet.

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