{Limitless Life} From Mess To Masterpiece

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I never really thought of myself as a mess. I thought I had it all together. I think that is worse. When life is going okay - where nothing is really bad but nothing is really great either - is the worse place to be. It is where I have been all my life. I am ordinary. I am normal. I'm nothing special.

I haven't been abused or abandoned. I haven't been addicted to hard drugs or experienced clinical depression. I have family and friends who love me, beyond that not many even know my name. I am not too tall, nor too short. I am not too skinny, nor would I consider myself obese (unless you look at a BMI scale, and even then I'm on the border -- arg). I have done nothing that sets me apart; instead, I've spent my entire life trying to fit in. I've felt like this has been my story. I am simply average. I'm caught in the middle of a mess and a masterpiece. I'm not quite a mess, but I don't feel I am a masterpiece either.

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The above picture really caught my eye because of the awesome drawing of a person held behind the lines of a paper. Only later did the quote really sink in. It was a perfect find for what was going through my head about my life as a mess. As I said, I never really thought I had a mess, but part of that is because I never thought about it at all. I always considered myself free. That is until I realized how much I let what others think of me dictate who I am. Those faint little lines that society draws was enough to but me behind bars of bondage. This realization was very hard for me. It is a lesson I'm still learning.

This past winter I did the "Breaking Free" Bible study by Beth Moore with a small group of ladies from my church. It was a wonderful study, a little intense, but I am still growing from it even after several months. I would recommend it if you ever get the chance to study it. Anyway, the point is that going into that study, I didn't think I had anything to break free from. I thought I was there to support others who I knew had a rough childhood or other things going on in their lives. I never thought it would pierce my heart so deeply.

It was through this study that I learned what "people-pleasing" really meant and had the realization that I was one. I wish we could have a people-pleasers anonymous with steps and everything. I thought I was free, but I was being held bondage by my unwillingness to say no, my anxiety over conflict, my frustration at constantly holding my opinion for fear of judgement, and my irrational desire to make others see me for who I thought they wanted me to be. I never knew how limited and restrained I actually felt.

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I feel ordinary and unimportant, but God has a greater perspective. God created me to be His masterpiece. I don't have to stay in this bondage of people-pleasing, God did not create me to be trapped - He created me to be free! Jesus said, "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free!" (John 8:32). I know the truth is that God loves me enough to send His Son to die for my sins (John 3:16). I know that someone who created me to be a masterpiece and loves me that much isn't going to be happy about me settling for a mediocre life.

I have begun to step out of the fear that judgment of others has buried me under. I am still walking towards freedom. But God is beside me every step of the way. I will be strong and courageous because I know my God is with me wherever I go (Joshua 1:9). I'm ready to stop believing I am resigned to be ordinary. I am ready to believe I'm God's masterpiece and do the good things He planned me for long ago.

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This article is inspired by a Bible Study with Proverbs 31 Ministries 

while reading Limitless Life by Derwin L. Gray.

{McCusker Journal} May - Part 1

One of the reasons I blog is so family and friends can keep up with what our family is doing. After many different attempts to do this only through Facebook or on an independent blog, I have found that it just isn't enough and I can't keep up with it all. So I have set aside a section of "Tales from a Mother" for updates on our family. I call it "McCusker Journal." These are some of the more personal moments of our life, but it is these moments that reflect in everything else I write. 

This a recap of the past month. I didn't realize we did so much this month. So much for trying to update only once a month. I'm going to try to post weekly with some special additions for big adventures going forward so it isn't so much at one time. I love all of our adventures and I am glad that I have friends and family across the country to share them with.

Here is what we did in May...

At the very beginning of the month, Zoey and I went to see my parents. It is always wonderful to spend time with them. We sat at the Farmer's Market with them as they sold their wooden butterflies, and had fun at home playing, sewing and spending time together.

Stephen plays flag football with a recreational team from work. It is a treat when Zoey and I can go to the games to cheer him on. After the game, Stephen spent some special time tossing the football with Zoey - my heart was overflowing! I am so proud of the team...they won their division title this year!

We spent a special day at the beach with one of Zoey's best friends. We had fun playing in the sand, swimming in the ocean and soaking up the sun (with the appropriate amount of sunscreen on of course.)

Zoey has been involved with Awanas Cubbies with our church for the past year. The semester is wrapping up and they celebrated with an end of the year bash on the playground. They even celebrated summer birthdays, which included Zoey's in August. She loved learning about God and playing with her friends this year. She finished reciting all of the verses in her book and got the biggest award Cubbies offers. I am so proud of my little girl!

Zoey began T-ball with the YMCA this month. This is her first baseball practice. She was a little nervous at first, but ended up having a lot of fun. She loves her coaches and has already begun to make friends. She was so excited after the practice she wore the uniform she received to the store afterwards. 

One of the most exciting things this month was registering for Kindergarten! Zoey will be a dolphin when she begins in the fall! We got to meet the Kindergarten teachers and see the rooms, one of which she will be in next year. She is so excited. I loved school, I hope she has as much fun as I did!

Well, that is only Part 1, more will follow soon for the month of May. I'm so thankful I get to share my life with you and I hope you enjoy all of the opportunities for little adventures in your life too!

Blessings,

{Wordless Wednesday} Sea Snail by the Sea Shore

I took this last week when we went to the beach. We saw several sea snails with beautiful shells come out an dig into the sand. It was fun to see sea life so active. Happy Wordless Wednesday!

Link up and join in the Wordless Wednesday fun!

{Garden Tales} Green Thumb?

One of my favorite things about spring is planting a garden. This year we made some drastic changes to our previous gardens. We moved it in the front yard (because we couldn't keep our dogs from eating the plants.) We made raised beds. And we planted more than we ever have before!

We began this project in March and finished planting the first week in April. It has been just over a month and I want to share the progress. I put the planting photo on the left and the recent photo on the right. (I actually took all these more recent pictures last week...it's amazing the difference a week can make because there is already more veggies coming in!) So the difference is really about 5 weeks (give or take a few days.)

Garden Bed 1

In this first garden bed, I planted from top to bottom: tomatoes, bell peppers, cabbage and sweet onions. Tomatoes and peppers are our favorite things to grow because we use them in everything. This bed is the least complicated and is one of the best growing. Everything is really coming along nicely.

Garden Bed 2

This bed has (from top to bottom): tomatoes, jalapenos, broccoli, flowers and basil. A couple of the broccoli plants died quickly so we replaced them with catnip on the left and chives on the right. Out of four small catnip plants only one survived, so I will probably put something else there soon. The chives, however, are doing quite well. I believe our flowers are getting too much late afternoon sun. It seems the ones in the front of the beds (which gets more afternoon sun) are withering and the ones in the back of the beds (which get more morning sun) are doing great. I am most excited by our basil in this bed because it is our most used herb. We are encouraging them to grow in bush-like form by harvesting from the top. I am very pleased to already be using most of our herbs!

Garden Bed 3

From top to bottom in this bed we have tomatoes, habanero, chili pepper, flowers, spinach, peppermint, cilantro, and flowers. We are having no luck at all with the spinach. With only the exception of a few spinach sprouts, we have replaced it. The spinach is one of the few plants we began from seeds, though it is the only one that failed in such epic fashion. It was replaced with dill on the left and sage on the right. So far, so good. The sage is especially taking off.

Garden Bed 4

This garden bed has (from top to bottom): cucumbers, zucchini, yellow squash, parsley, flowers, oregano and rosemary. The squash family is especially taking off. There are already several flowers budding of them, though it is hard to see in the picture for the leaves. The parsley is also doing great. We have used all the herbs so far.

Garden Bed 5

This final bed has (from top to bottom): bush green beans, flowers, iceberg lettuce, flowers, lavender and strawberries. The beans were from seeds and sprouted really quickly. They seem to be doing wonderfully. They are just now starting to flower, so hopefully we will begin to see little beans soon. The lettuce was also from seeds and it is doing okay. We have never had very good luck with lettuce, but we wanted to try it in our new garden. We'll see. All the plants are growing, but I don't know how much we will actually be able to harvest. I love having the lavender right by the door. I get a whiff of it every time I leave or enter the house and it is so calming and happy. And it is thriving! Last time I tried lavender it died almost immediately, but this time it is beautiful! The strawberries are wonderful. We have already eaten three off of it. Zoey was excited to eat the first one a couple weeks ago right before her baseball game.

Zoey still helps me water the garden all the time, but this picture was taken right after we planted.

I absolutely love our garden. I don't have a green thumb. I have been know to kill flower plants in days. However, it seems that when I can harvest food and herbs from it, I do okay at keeping it alive at least. It is a wonderful thing for Zoey and I to work on together during the week. We go outside and weed, adjust and water the plants at least two or three times a week. It is nice to get outside because of course when we are done we play, which is always a joy.

I am glad to share this love of gardening with Zoey at such a young age. My mom and dad shared a love of gardening with me ever since I was born. I loved being outside with them helping out and reaping the benefits with a plenty of fresh grown veggies. I am glad I can teach Zoey what my parents taught me and be excited with her as we learn about and experience nature.

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Happy Spring!

{Limitless Life} From Addicted to Free

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I've never truly been addicted to anything. I have realized that I don't have an addictive personality. Thank you God!

That sounds prideful, it isn't meant to be. It is simply truth. Let me give you an example: I began smoking when I was a teenager. (Don't ever do that, it is a really stupid thing to do.) I was smoking for about six months, give or take. I should have been addicted. I knew others who had smoked less than I had and couldn't stop. However, one day I was running low on funds for the month and I had to make a decision, I could get a cup of coffee or a pack of cigarettes. I didn't even think twice, I wanted coffee much more than I wanted the cigarettes. So I bought the coffee. And that was it, I was done smoking. I think I've bought maybe two more packs of cigarettes over the course of ten years.

Another example is coffee. I know lots of people who are seriously addicted to coffee. I would drink about 3-5 cups of it a day during my college years, but when I changed environments - moved and began working - the habit vanished. I still enjoy a cup most mornings, but if I don't have it, it's no big deal.

I could give a few more examples like this, but I believe I've made my point. So when I begin thinking about addiction, I don't really have anywhere to go. That is until I read this...

Humans have an amazing ability to get addicted to just about anything—food, shopping, people-pleasing, and self-pleasing.
~Derwin Gray, Limitless Life, p31

Oh, I can be addicted to people-pleasing? That one hurts.

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It has only been within the last year or so that I even knew what "people-pleasing" meant or that it was bad. Nonetheless, I am a chronic people-pleaser. I try to be who others want me to be, I don't like to rock the boat, I am very indecisive and usually go along when others voice an opinion, I find it uncomfortable to speak my mind, I have a hard time saying no, I'd rather be nice than hurt someone's feelings with the truth, conflict gives my anxiety attacks, and I don't understand why people can just get along.

I always thought this trait of putting others in front of myself was a good one and what it meant to "lay your life down for your friends" (John 15:13). Honestly, it only made me depressed, insecure and unfulfilled. I felt worthless and stressed. I became too busy with too many things I couldn't get done. I had no time to fill my own heart so I was lacking when trying to help anyone else. I felt overwhelmingly ineffective.

This was a really hard lesson for me to learn, I am still having trouble with it. I slipped up again just a couple days ago by making lame excuses for simply not wanting to do something. Even though I've been working on this recently, I never thought about it being an addiction. I didn't do it for the pat on the shoulder, like I said I didn't realize I did it at all. It doesn't feel like addiction, it simply feels like my way of life. I have been learning the boundaries of this and where to draw the line. It is a constant balance of remaining kind and gentle to others, but also being true to myself.

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There may be some who are addiction to anything they come in contact with and there may be some, like me, who rarely truly get addicted to anything. No matter which category you fit it or if you are somewhere in between, we all struggle with priorities - the big and the small.

The reason for our addictive appetites is that we were created for worship. Worship has a powerful impact on us in that we draw our identity, worth, and purpose from the object of our worship. Identity tells us who we are. Worth gives us our value. Purpose gives us a reason for waking up every morning.
~ Derwin Gray, Limitless Life, p32

We want things that make us feel good. When you have a bad day, do you go to God? Do you worship your Creator that only produces good? No, probably not. I don't. I go to the show that I recorded on the DVR, a friend who will make me laugh, a glass of wine, a good book, or sometimes just to sleep hoping that tomorrow will be better. But those things are just idols. They are examples of things that we look for to make us feel better when all we really need is a good dose of positive energy from the One Who Created Us.

Things make us feel better for a little while. Our job, our title, our hobby, and our possessions give us identity and worth within our society. They can even us a reason to get up in the morning, but how do you feel at night? How do you feel in those moments where it is just you, with no walls up? Do you feel free?

I hope you do. But if you don't, you can. Worship God. Bring light to darkness. Bring innovation to familiarity. Bring color to gray. Bring creativity to routine. Bring courage to fearfulness. Bring song out of silence. Bring forgiveness out of resentment. Bring love out of hate. Bring freedom out of addiction.

God can do those things and so much more!

You are without limits because of the unlimited God who lives in you.
~ Derwin Gray, Limitless Life, p41

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 Be you. Be brave. Be free. Live a limitless life!

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This article is inspired by a Bible Study with Proverbs 31 Ministries 

while reading Limitless Life by Derwin L. Gray.