Saturday, August 30, 2014

Just One Of Those Days

I feel sort of sad today. I don't really know why. I just feel down. Specifically, I feel like I'm not good enough. Again, I don't know why. No one really put me down or insulted me. There was no epic failure or bad moment in the day. However, at the end of the day I still feel down.

Do you ever have days like that? I think everyone does, if they are honest. Days or moments when you just feel down or not good enough?

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I am generally a very happy and positive person. I generally write about uplifting things. Today, however, I feel led to share this feeling. I believe I'm not the only one who could benefit from a few minutes of reflection and (hopefully) inspiration.

Today was a normal day filled with normal things. I go up, but missed my quiet time. Honestly, that could have had a big impact on the day right there. I am not what you would call a morning person. Most mornings, I just want to hit the snooze button and keep on sleeping. I find though, that those quiet morning when I can wake up, enjoy my cup of coffee, and begin my day with my thoughts in order, the day runs much smoother. On days, like today, when I miss that, I feel unorganized and frankly in a state of chaos. So, point one for feeling sad...lack of quiet time.

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Moving right one along in my day. I stay at home with my daughter. I have for the last 5 years (ever since she was born). I have enjoyed it greatly. I like to believe she has too. However, she is beginning school in just a handful of days now and that changes things. I am now getting slowly more and more excited about the idea of getting a job. Of course, I've been completely dragging my feet on the whole preparation of it, but I am still excited about it. So I think I have some guilt over not moving forward more quickly or confidently about this.

Next comes dishes, laundry and general cleaning. As a mom and one who is responsible for the house, I have to admit, I hate doing most of these things. It's not even really the act itself, it is simply the never ending cycle of it all. I put the same dishes up every day. I wash the same laundry and put it up, just to do it all over again. This gets exasperating. I know I cannot be the only soul who dislikes chores. We just moved so all of my routines are still not set yet. I feel like I am always behind. I am always needing to sweep, even if I just did it earlier in the day. The dishes continue to pile up, even when I just washed some. The laundry is a never ending cycle that just becomes depressing. We are still working on where things go and how chores will be distributed among the family. So right now, I just feel like I'm am constantly picking up something, most of the time something I never got out.

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So it gets to the end of the day where I feel like we spent to much money on groceries, my daughter is non-stop needing something or the other, feeling guilty on not doing more to advance my career, involved in a never ending cycle of cleaning and a lack of quiet (mommy) time. It's the end of the day and I am drained, tired, and just a little sad.

The beauty of all of this is that we all have days like this. There are always moments that are a little depressing and lack of luster. However, this is not my life. My life is full of joy and peace. I am content. I love my family. I love this new city we are in. I love our little apartment. I am thankful for so many things. I realize, it is okay to be sad sometimes. I can allow myself to honestly feel it.

At the same time, I don't need to wallow in it. I don't need to wake up tomorrow feeling sad. I don't need to live my life depressed because in one moment I feel tired and drained. Instead, I will relax tonight. Set aside all of my worries. I will pour a glass of wine and watch a movie or read a book, something I've been wanting to do.

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We all have "one of those days," but I don't have to look back and regret anything about my life. I want to always remember how much I am loved, not only by my family and friends, but by God. Jesus lived and died so that we could have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10). I want to thank Him for that by living a life of joy and kindness. Even when I'm tired and worn down to the bone, it doesn't mean I treat my family as less. It means I let them know I need some time and then take it.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." ~Matthew 11:28

Jesus knew that life was not always red velvet cupcakes and rainbows. He knew life was tough. He knew that even when his disciples had peace and joy, they would still face hardships. He said to come to Him. He didn't say lash out to others or wallow in self-pity. He said to come. Any one who is weary or carries burdens could come and tell him all about it. When the conversation was finished, there would no longer be weariness, there would no longer be worry. Instead, you would find rest. Jesus can carry our burdens. Jesus can refill our hearts to overflowing. We all get tired, even He did. But, He is the Son of God and He can carry burdens that would drive us mad. When we give him our tired days, He gives us exactly what we Sometimes that is all we need, someone to listen and care how we feel even when it feels unjustified. Jesus is always there and He will give you rest when you reach out to Him.

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I pray that when you have "one of those days" that you will reach out to Him and not sit in misery. I pray also, that I will continue to reach out to the One who provides rest for my soul. I do not need to live in depression or fear. I want to be free and live my life to the fullest with joy and peace. I do have sad moments, but I do not live a sad life. I live a life for the Creator. I live a life that is meant to share kindness and joy with everyone I meet. I pray that you find your light in the One who says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." I pray that on "those days" you (and I ) take Him at His word and go and receive the best give He could possibly give, a heart that is free of stress and depression and filled with joy and peace on the best of days and the worst. Thank you Lord for all that you have done. Amen.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

{Wordless Wednesday} Happy 5th Birthday Zoey!

Yesterday was my daughter, Zoey's, 5th birthday. We had a great day in Seattle to celebrate. One of her favorite moments though, was playing with her toys, especially the Lego Friends Treehouse that she has wanted for a while now. This is one of my favorite pictures of the a truly wonderful day.

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Sunday, August 17, 2014

What Is Life? A Robin Williams Tribute

Robin Williams was an amazing man. To hear of his passing the past week left an impact on all who ever saw or heard him on the big screen. I did not know Williams personally, I cannot imagine the turmoil that those who really knew him are going through. I do know that I can feel the void without him.

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Williams had 104 actor credits that spanned 38 years (1977-2015). That is an impressive resume for anyone in show business. I have not seen all of his movies, but there are several that stand out and have left lasting impressions on me and my family.

I did not entirely realize the demons that Williams faced. I remembered hearing that he suffered from depression and bipolar disorder, but those were just words to me. He made me happy, didn't that mean he was happy? The more I think about that question, the more I realize the answer is probably no. Williams was hilarious and always put his entire self out there. That is something that is hard for anyone to do even in a private setting and he did it in front of the entire world. He was either crazy or had an unlimited supply of courage. Honestly, he probably had both.

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Thinking about these questions and wondering how someone who brought such hope and joy into the world could be left with none, I began to contemplate what is life? Is life just this game we play? Do we focus only on how others see us? Do we take care of ourselves, of our soul, or are we just rushing forward to the next commitment, the next activity.

I have always been one to write things out and to look up wisdom and comfort in words. I love quotes. Quotations from movies, books, and famous people have given me the inspiration I needed to overcome pretty much everything I've ever needed to overcome in my life. Looking back at my many books of quotations, I am astonished at how many of them come from Robin Williams and his movies. While I contemplate the meaning of life and remember a great man and brilliant comedian, I want to take a walk down memory lane and highlight some of his movies and work that inspired me.

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Still, to this day, the first movie that comes to mind when you say Robin Williams is Aladdin. That probably has something to do with the impression (and obsession) that movie made on me when I was a kid. The things of our childhood never really leave us. It was my introduction to who Robin Williams was. It took me a long time to separate his voice with the Genie, I mean, weren't one in the same? In a way I suppose they were.

But oh, to be free. Not to have to go "Poof! What do you need, "Poof! What do you need, Poof! What do you need?". To be my own master. Such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world. But what am I talking about? Let's get real here, that's never gonna happen. Genie, wake up and smell the hummus. ~Aladdin

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I'm history! No, I'm mythology! Nah, I don't care what I am; I'm free hee! ~Aladdin

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The next movie with Robin Williams that made a big impact on me was "Hook." I don't what it is about the story of Peter Pan that has always drawn me in, but the idea of link fantasy and reality and finding what it means to truly live sent a powerful message to me.

Granny Wendy: So... your adventures are over.
Peter Banning: Oh, no. To live... to live would be an awfully big adventure.

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"You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you...Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting."

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The other movie that made an impact on me was "Dead Poet's Society." I was much older when I read this book by N. H. Kleinbaum and then watched the movie starring Robin Williams as John Keating.

We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?
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There are many other movies starring Williams with many quotations and many memories. To go on and on would be endless. Robin Williams was a man of character, of many characters in fact, that inspired an entire generation. 

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I don't really have much else to say. This is a man that made many laugh, including me. He made people laugh until they were in tears. He made people who were in tears laugh. Laughter is the best can heal the soul.

Here are a few more tributes that touched my heart...

The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon

What is life? Life is loving others. Life is laughing at anything, everything and just because. Life is precious. Life is short. Life has past you by before you even realize it is in you. Seize the day. Reach out to others. Love everyone (even if you don't like them very much.) Everyone is fighting their own battles, many of which you can't see. Every kind act of kindness is a reassurance that life is still worth living. Life is love. Life is laughter. Now go and live.

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R.I.P. Robin Williams, 
thank you for a lifetime of laughter,
you will be missed.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

{Wordless Wednesday} Seattle Sunset

Summer Seattle Sunsets are breathtaking. This is the view from the rooftop of my apartment overlooking Puget Sound last week. I don't think it will ever get old.

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