No More Breastmilk

So I am no longer breastfeeding :(

This is unfortunate, I really wanted to give Zoey those nutrients a lot longer than this, but I have to take care of myself too.

Zoey had a huge growth spurt at one month old and I could not keep up. Not only was my milk supply too low, but my breasts were raw. I ended up supplementing my milk with formula so she would be full. I didn't mind because my breast hurt all day whether she was feeding or not. I tried to keep nursing, but even with rest, ointment and covers my breasts weren't getting any better.

My breast just started drying up. Instead of making more milk they began to make less. While trying to pump my nipple started bleeding. Not a little crack with a drop of blood, but 3/4 of my nipple was split open and blood was starting to flow into the milk. It was at that point I was done. I tried again the next day (this happened at night) for good measure, but I was done.

It has been a few days since and I still haven't made any more milk and my breasts are still cracked and a little sore. I didn't want to give up breastfeeding so soon, but there is a point where enough is enough. Like Stephen said, "We do not live in times where you have to hurt yourself to feed your child." I really appreciated his understanding because I was beating myself up pretty badly.

There were probably things I could have done differently to have a better outcome, but I did what I could at the time. Zoey was breastfed solely for a month and that is better than not trying at all. I love Zoey so much, and she is a healthy and happy little girl.

AGM

9.28.09

Today is Monday...

Today is Monday and I've felt a step behind all day. I am worn out now. I handed Zoey over to Stephen and decided to relax for a while. I don't know why I'm so tired. I haven't done any more than I do any other day. I didn't get less sleep last night, in fact, I slept pretty good. Zoey wasn't overly fussy. I just felt frantic during the day and now I am spent.

I have noticed something that is a little disturbing. There has been a lot of mentions of mortality lately. A co-worker died last week in a tragic car wreck, I read a book about a lady dying of breast cancer, I'm reading a book about a man with Lou Gerick's disease and I have a cousin in intensive care for a blood clot in the heart. Add that to my grandfather dying earlier this year, my car wreck at the beginning of the year and Stephen getting rear ended last month and I feel bombarded. I don't know if I just notice it more or if it actually is more going on. Of course, I have to wonder if people have always been this bad at driving or if I just notice it more now that I have Zoey. I don't know what to do with these thoughts, but there they are. It's amazing how death is something you have to talk about when you have a family when you otherwise avoid it at all costs.

I did have a hard time going to sleep last night. I had some thoughts in my head, but it was mainly just not being able to settle down. I used to have trouble sleeping and have most of my life. Maybe I'm just getting rested so I have trouble sleeping again - ironic huh. Zoey is sleeping good lately. She had a bottle and went to bed by midnight and I stayed away staring at the ceiling. Sleeping pills have never worked for me, but I don't really have the luxury of staying up and sleeping late like I used to.

So I thank this blog for being my shrink because it's a lot cheaper to get out how I'm feeling. Zoey will be 6 weeks tomorrow, but I still have to ask is it postpartum? I don't think so, I think it is just a weird day. Those happen from time to time. Hopefully, I will get some good sleep tonight and be fresh for tomorrow. I do hope so because I have another list of things waiting for me to do then.

Well this is goodnight...or to watch a football game at least.

AGM

9.28.09

These are the Days

I realize I vent a lot in this blog about all the things that frustrate me. But there are so many good times too. And overall, I am very lucky to have such a sweet, laid back little girl.

I look at my little family and am so overwhelmed with joy that I almost can't breathe. Zoey is growing so fast. She has all kinds of expressions and noises now. She likes to sit up, have conversations and sing. It is so cute. I love interacting with her. I'm trying to make sure I savor every moment because it won't be too long before she won't let me hold her whenever I want.

Zoey is doing a lot better about sleeping too. When she had a cold we put her in our bed a for a week or so. I slept longer than I did getting up to her bassinet all the time, but I slept better when she did sleep because I keep waking up to make sure she didn't roll over onto a pillow or something. Now we have a compromise. We took her crib mattress and put it next to our bed (which is on the floor - don't ask). She sleeps on it with her infant sleep incline thing so she doesn't move anywhere (cause she can wiggle all over the place if you let her) with a couple of blankets and she sleeps really well and I sleep really well. It is good all around. She likes that she can kick around too, she seems well over swaddling now. This sleeping arrangement and the 4-5 hours of consecutive sleep with usually more on top of it really help my moods too.

Zoey is slowly putting herself on a schedule. I have a baby wise book to read too so in a month or so we should be able to get her set in a routine. She will wake up about 7-8am then eat and stay awake until about 11am and then sleep and eat and then sleep about 4pm and eat and start winding down for "bed" around 9pm then wake up at 11-12 then sleep til about 5am eat and then wake up at 7am. It's a nice cycle that we can definitely work with. There are still more eating and sleeping times in there too, but the big ones seem fairly consistent (or at least easily made consistent in time).

We are so lucky that Zoey is laid back and does really well when we go out. I hear lots of moms afraid to take their babies places especially restaurants, but we will just grab our stuff and go out on a moments notice if we want. Ever since Zoey was born, she's don't really well out. As long as you have food for her if she gets hungry she is fine. She sleeps a lot of the time when we are out, but even if she is awake as long as she has a full belly she will just look around at the lights and people. She seems to have a good time and like the new stimuli. She even enjoys the park and watching Daddy play football. Then she gets to see new people and feel the grass. Like I said, I feel very lucky at this and we will take advantage.

Zoey is such a joy. She is smiling and talking more. She is so cute and has so many new faces. She stands and sits (it becomes a fun game for her). But she is also content to entertain herself at times. She has conversations with the couch and will actually get mad if you interrupt her. That is really cute. She's starting to grab things too. She will hold her hands and grab my shirt, necklace or hair. Ironically, she doesn't really grab for toys yet even when I hand them to her. But in do time we won't be able to get them away from her so I'll take this stage for now.

Well things are going really good. Stephen and I still get plenty of cuddle and talking time. I think over the years our love just grows stronger (and I would have it no other way). I love our little family. I'm just living in the moment and being happy with all that I have now. I only have one life and I intend to live every minute of it.

AGM

9.27.09

Granny Visits

I always like to visit with my parents, but I like it even more now. Granny (my mom) came to visit this week and had lots of fun with Zoey. They would sit and talk and sing all day.

I also got to get almost a three hour uninterrupted nap during the day that made me feel a lot better. Stephen and I even got to go out to dinner alone to celebrate our anniversary. It was nice to get rested up and have a few minutes together.

We had a girls day and got a new outfit for me (a birthday present from Granny), Zoey a couple outfits and baby swing. We weren't going to get a swing, but Granny surprised me with one after I said how much Zoey likes to sit up, look around and rock. We will have to put it together tomorrow.

Zoey does so well when we go out; I feel very blessed. She sleeps a good bit, but even when she's awake she just looks around at the people and lights and seems to have a good time. I'm just glad we can go out even at the spur of the moment and not have to worry about her fussing too much.

It was a good weekend. It is moments like this that I want to remember. I love just spending time together. I'm starting to recognize to enjoy Zoey while she is this little...she won't want and let me hold her whenever I want for forever. She is so sweet and cute and she smells really good. I love my family...I really love the life we have made for ourselves.

AGM

9.25.09

Wedding Anniversary

Yesterday (September 22) was Stephen and my 2 year wedding anniversary.

Ironically, it was a bad day for me. Zoey only let me sleep like 3 hours the night before. I have to admit I was pretty irritable for a good bit of the day. Zoey was fussy for most of the day as well. Stephen said later that she was feeding off of my mood, and maybe so, but I was feeding off her mood too. It becomes a vicious cycle.

To add to the wonderful mood, it was pouring down rain outside. I heard thunder and decided to go get the mail. I came back inside, laid the mail down, checked on Zoey and then turned around to see it begin to pour.

Then Stephen came home. I was so glad he was home. He took a crying Zoey out of my hands and sat with her then feed her (did I mention before how much I love bottles). I was able to finish dinner at least.

Stephen said he had plans for our anniversary: to go rent a movie, get me flowers or something like that at least, but the rain deterred these plans. I was glad to hear he was thinking sweet. However, since I had left my phone in the car and it was pouring outside, I was glad he came on home. I was already starting to worry about him.

The rain died down a little after dinner so we decided to go get ice cream as an anniversary treat. It was a good treat.

We also stopped in at Best Buy and got Halo ODST. I told him that was fine as long as I get to play. I did play. Shooting things is fun, the running in circles through the campaign is pretty boring. Nonetheless, my mom is coming this weekend so I figure he will be occupied with the game and if I spend a little on me and Zoey he can't complain ;)

At some point in the evening I had Zoey in my arms rested up against Stephen and I stopped to breathe in the moment. I had a bad day, but I know I am happy where it matters. I took that moment and I couldn't help but smile. I love my husband and my baby girl so much. I love my life.

We made it through two years of marriage and the birth of a child, we can make it through anything and still come out strong.

Happy Anniversary Stephen!

Love,

Amanda

AGM

9.23.9

Firefly Lane

I just finished a novel by Kristin Hannah called Firefly Lane. After I wiped my tears and blew my nose, I realized this is a story not easily forgotten.

From the moment I picked up this book I was hooked. Even through I don't get very often to read with my one month old daughter, I read this book surprisingly fast. As soon as I read the last word I was compelled to talk about it. I read a lot of books, and most finish without much thought, but this one is different. This is a story that every woman should read. I makes you appreciate what you have in this crazy and chaotic world we live in.

Firefly Lane is the story of two women and their thirty plus years of friendship. There are good times and bad times, better times and worse times. It starts in the seventies and concludes in the twenty-first century. They get through adolescents, dreams, jobs, relationships, success, failure, children and the lack of them, and finally what matters most in this world. I don't want to give to much away, but it is a compelling story.

I think this book strikes me so hard because I can identify with it in so many ways. I have a best friend similar to TullyandKate from this story. Dana and I met when we were four. We still keep in touch and probably know each other better than anyone else, in the ways that really matter at least. I may not know what new style she is into, I know what is going on in her heart. We have gone through school together, relationships, rough times, deaths and weddings. We were both the maid/matron of honor for each other's weddings. There are so many times that I will never forget and much of who I am today is because of our relationship. We may have missed a few months or even a year here and there since we've known each other, but no matter what is going on we talk as if we see each other everyday as we did when we were kids and things were so much simpler. I hope our friendship lasts throughout the decades as is described in this book.

This book also relates to me in other ways. It involves a loving and dedicating husband, a true friend, children, struggles with a career, a love for writing, being a mom and being a woman. I hope to remember some of the reactions presented in this book for when my kids get older and as difficult circumstances come my way. I draw so much strength from my husband and that is a relationship that matters so much to me.

There is so much to be said about this book and I feel like I am not saying any of it right. So I will leave my thoughts as this...This is a book of inspiration to hold onto what in this life that really matters - Love.

So read this book. I dedicate it to all who I have lost, my mom, my husband, my children, my girlfriends and myself. Sometimes, we just need to remember that we can never love too much.

AGM

9.21.09

To breastfeed or to bottle feed...that is the question

One day before Zoey turned a month old, she began a growth spurt. She began eating every hours for 5 or more hours straight. (That is calculating from the beginning of one feeding to the beginning of the next, ex. 1:15pm, 2:15pm, 3:10pm...) To say the least I could not keep up. Not only was my milk running low, but my breast were about ready to fall off. My breast hurt long after she stopped nursing. We didn't want to give her formula so soon, but once I couldn't hold her to my chest anymore because of the tenderness, I had a change of heart.

I gave in and gave her a formula bottle at the fifth hour of her every hour feedings. I couldn't continue to nurse that often, I was wearing out. She took the bottle easily and had no problem with the formula over breast milk. I breathed a sign of relief. I take back all that I have said in the past about the ease of breastfeeding. It is not easy. Kudos to any mother who solely breastfeed for the first year.

I don't intend to stop breastfeeding, but I must admit the huge burden released off my shoulders after giving her that first formula bottle. I felt so much pressure to breastfeed and so trapped because I was the only one who could feed her (every 2-3 hours before this growth spurt). I couldn't leave or have any time for myself. In addition, it was looking bleak for her sake when I have to go back to work in a month. I would pump breast milk, but even if I managed to squeeze 3 ounces (which was rare, it was usually a max of 2 ounces) she would eat all of that and still be hungry. How could anyone else watch her if I had to be there even if she drank from a bottle. Not to mention if we had company or went out of the house for any length of time. Breastfeeding is still possible, but very inconvenient. Going to the store was one thing, but what about the hour or more when we are in church, I would miss half of the service to breastfeed. This was slowly getting me down. I felt like I had a chain around my ankle.

I felt a huge relief with the introduction of the formula bottle, both physically and mentally. I won't stop breastfeeding, but Zoey will get some formula bottles, probably everyday. Now the transition of me going back to work will be easier and other people (including Stephen) can watch her if it is needed. It makes her poop smell worse, but she is also getting full easier and my breast are getting a much needed rest. Thankfully, Zoey is going back and forth between breast milk/formula and breast/bottle with little to no trouble.

This is what works for us. I am very glad of the change and Zoey doesn't seem phased at all by it. I'm glad we could compromise and it will be easier as I go back to work and our lives continuously become more active again.

AGM

9.20.09

Merely Mortal

So I got a call today from a friend...one of our coworkers was in a car accident this morning and died. Apparently, a teenage boy crossed two lanes of traffic and hit James head on. All I could say was "wow." I could barely even process the information at first. James was an acquaintance that I will miss, but we were really close or anything. But I do know he was a very nice guy that worked hard for his family and was always full of life.

The really scary part is that he was about Stephen's age (late twenties) and had a little girl. My first thought (once I could process a real thought) was that it was a tragedy and he will be missed by many. Then my second thought was, we really can go at any time for the craziest of reasons. Stephen was in an accident years ago coming home from football practice. I was in an accident earlier this year on my way to work. And that is just talking about the car.

I suppose I just look at my little girl and my wonderful husband and can't imagine how I could live without them. But then you have to think about the consequences of those unthinkable circumstances when you're a parent. Would one of us be able to survive without the other and who would care for Zoey if something were to happen to Stephen and I. These are questions we have already talked about at least some, but when someone you know dies so tragically you can't help but stop and think again.

Love really is a two-edged sword. It provides the most happiness I have ever known, but the thought of loosing anyone I love brings a sadness that I cannot even imagine.

So I suppose I take away from this to have a plan for the unimaginable, enjoy every moment you can with those you love even the frustrating ones, and to always leave with a kiss and an "I love you" - you never know when those words might be your last whether it be now or a hundred years from now.

So to all those I love, family and friends - you mean the world to me.

And to Stephen and Zoey - I love more than words can say. I am filled with joy every time I think of you or see you.

With Love,

Amanda

In Memory of

James Cureton

Died 9.19.09

There are many who love you...

You will be missed.

AGM

9.19.09

One Month Down...

Zoey is One Month old today!!!

So cool. It feels like a brief moment and years at the same time. Turns out being a mom is frustrating and hard work especially on a sleep deficiency. But it is so worth it. I have never loved anyone so completely so quickly. It is so worth every ounce of irritation because I can see my reward every time she smiles, the peaceful way she sleeps, and the complete trust she has of me and Stephen as she lies in our arms. I wouldn't trade having her here for anything, not even a good night of sleep or the ability to have more than ten minutes to concentrate on a task.

One month has past and so have many milestones (already!). She already recognizes Stephen and I from strangers (and stares intently at us all the time). She can hold her head upright fairly steady for a good five minutes before getting tired. She can track objects and faces with her eyes. Stephen was kissing her goodbye the other morning before he went to work and she followed him by moving her head until he left through the front door! Even right now she is watching me type like she knows exactly what I'm saying. She can put weight on both of her feet and loves to sit and stand (with us holding her of course). I'm sure there are some I'm missing, but to say the least, she is growing so fast.

She fights sleep as bad as I do and loves to be close to her mommy and daddy. She likes when I read books, but she often looks at my face as I read instead of the book. She coos at me and we have conversations about all kinds of things. I asked her opinion on what to have for dinner the other night and I would hold up each choice and she would give a small cry or a squeal for good or bad. I think babies know a lot more about what is going on than we give them credit. She still cries and I don't always know what is wrong, but she is very intuitive.

She is a growing girl. Most of this week she has gone through 4-6 hours where she will eat every hour. I finally gave up and started supplementing formula so I could keep up. Not only was my milk being stretched, but my nipples were really raw because they got no rest. Once I couldn't hold her to my chest because my breasts hurt I relented. I felt really bad about giving her that first formula bottle, but she took it fine and still feeds from the breasts without any trouble. And I will say that I feel relief at that fact because it alleviate the trapped feeling I was having linked to breastfeeding.

She's one month old now, how exciting! I love this little girl and I'm trying to enjoy every moment (good and bad) with her because she will be walking and talking before I know it without wishing these precious months away.

AGM

9.18.09

First Period, First Walk

So today I think I started my first period after birth. It has been a couple days shy of one month since I gave birth. I must be completely honest...I was disappointed when I saw I had gotten my period. After reading so much about the first period being postponed for up to year after birth if you breastfeed, I feel like I got jipped. That was one very positive thing about being pregnant is that there is no period. So I guess that is really all I have to say about that, just disappointed it came so soon.

In other news, Zoey and I took our first true walk today. We walked around the neighborhood. It was nice to get out of the house. Zoey was looking around for a little while but then went to sleep. I went further than I was planning on, but it felt good to move around. I enjoyed the afternoon greatly. The post-pregnancy flab is getting me down, so this was a way to combat it since I can't really exercise quite yet. It also gave me some energy instead of spending the whole afternoon in front of the TV. I came in a put on some music and now I am writing and working on my scrapbook. At least until Zoey starts fussing again.

AGM

9.16.09

The Good, the Bad and...Well Everything in Between

I've been thinking about this for days...which I suppose just backs up my point (you will understand shortly).

I want to begin by saying that I absolutely love my daughter. I have since the doctor placed her in my arms, and even before. With that being said - she is really frustrating sometimes.

Sleep Deprivation

I thought I was ready to have a baby. Turns out - you are never prepared for a newborn. The only real struggle I've had with Zoey is the lack of sleep. I am realizing that I am more sleep deprived than I thought. Even now I'm having trouble making coherent sentences (and thank goodness for spell check). I try to nap with her during the day, but it seems all those scientific studies about needing 8 hours of consecutive sleep (the earlier in the evening the better) were right. Even if I can manage to get 8 hours of sleep during the course of 24 hours I don't feel rested. I'm not sure what to do about this except wait it out and do the best I can in the meantime.

Breastfeeding

Sleep deprivation is the only struggle that has affected me physically, but there are a few other things that frustrate me. The most frustrating is being the bottles. As a breastfeeding mom I feel somewhat trapped. It is ironic that I feel trapped and my husband feels useless because of breastfeeding. His feels that way because when she is hungry (which is rather often) there is nothing he can do about it but get me.

I am very jealous because he can leave the house to go to the store or wherever on a whim. I, on the other hand, can't go anywhere without stopping to check when the last time she ate, then I have to feed her which can take anywhere from 15-45 minutes so I don't want to go out anymore anyway, and even then if she has a full belly I can only be gone a maximum of 2 hours and I wouldn't even risk that long. If I take her with me it's the same battle plus more prep time. It is very frustrating. I feel tied to the house by a string when all I want is to get out and have a little bit of time to relax in another environment. I don't mind taking her with me, but if I just want to go to the library, for example, it seems silly to strap her up to go when someone else is here and I should only be gone 30 minutes or so.

The other thing that is frustrating about breastfeeding is that I have to stop whatever I am doing when she is hungry (and she is not patient when she is hungry). Most of the time I don't mind, but the other day I was in the middle of cooking dinner and she started sounding off. So I could either let her scream (which isn't something I tend to do) or stop cooking which puts off dinner by like 30 minutes while the food burns or gets cold. This is extremely frustrating. Thankfully, Stephen has been here to help so far, but next week he's off to work for good so I'll have to figure it all out on my own.

Also, she often wants to eat just as I'm about to eat. This is something that we have joked about for years with various nephews and nieces, but it is even more frustrating while breastfeeding. There are just some things I can't eat while I am feeding her, for example, chicken wings.

So even after all this complaining about the inconveniences of breastfeeding, I won't result with using formula. I want to, I very much want to, but breastfeeding really is so much better for Zoey and me that I won't give it up. I am however going to need to figure out a game plan as life is slowly beginning to return to normal (at least it isn't on slow mode anymore) and the ever looming time when I will have to go back to work.

I've been trying to pump milk, but it isn't really going very smoothly. The worst part is that the pump hurts my breasts, much more than Zoey ever has feeding. The other part is that the breast pump doesn't really seem to be that good. I pump for as long as I would feed and it barely gets over an ounce. It says it will only get 1-3 ounces at one time, but I can still feel milk in my breast but it isn't pumping it out anymore even on the maximum suction. I'm also not a hundred percent sure if this is normal or a malfunction of the pump. I do know that when Zoey is given that amount of milk she is still hungry. Which then brings up the question if I can't pump enough milk for her when I do need to be away then can I go back to work or will we need to supplement formula for those times?

My Body

The other thing that has been frustrating me lately is my body. I was never self-conscious of my body while I was pregnant, but then again the belly hid the love-handles very well. Now that the baby is outside my belly, my love handles are prominent and so is all the extra skin. This has been bothering me more and more, especially since Zoey will be a month old this week and I am still no where near getting back into my pre-pregnancy clothes (not without them looking horribly tight at least and the pants have no hope).

I think it frustrates me the most because I have about two outfits I will confidently wear. Those two outfits are maternity clothes but even some of my maternity clothes don't fit right. Besides, I'm ready to be done with maternity clothes. After thinking about it, I probably should just go out and buy at least one outfit (non-maternity) that fits well and makes me feel good. However, money is a little tight due to the crazy costs of having a baby that it isn't really an option right now.

I can't wait to exercise! I've been walking a couple times and I will continue to do so, but it doesn't feel like it is doing much. I want to go back to heavy cardio and I may be crazy, but I miss sit-ups. However, I can't really do anything heavy until after my postpartum doctor's checkup to let me know my body is healed enough (but that is still over two weeks away). I suppose there is reason for it since I'm still tired, and even though I feel healed enough there is a lot going on that I don't know anything about.

In Conclusion

Everything I have read says that you will feel rested again, you will become yourself again (for the most part at least, perhaps slightly altered, but still recognizable) and you will get your body back (if you work for it). The rub is that it could take a year or more. *sigh* I look into my daughter's eyes and know without a doubt it is all worth it, but I miss feeling like I have a life. I'm sure my husband is ready for my mood swings to stop too, or at least return to "normal." He says (and I agree) that I've had more mood swings in the last two weeks than I had the entire time I was pregnant.

So this has been a venting episode, but there are plenty of good times...I'll have to write about those sometime.

AGM

9.13.09

Exasperating Cold

I have never liked being sick, but with a newborn it is multiplied by ten. Unexpectedly yesterday my throat started aching. It quickly became really sore so all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and do nothing. Unfortunately, Zoey doesn't want Mommy to stay still that long. Something else to get used to with a baby. I just hope whatever I have she doesn't get.

Throughout the day my cold went from aching in my throat to a moderate headache and then to my nose where I couldn't stop sneezing. I'm so thankful that Stephen helped with Zoey since she didn't want to go to sleep again. She finally went to sleep about 1:30am, so I hear. I was able to get some sleep and actually felt a lot better when I got up this morning. (Zoey slept until 6am.) I'm really hoping that it's just a 24 hour bug since it went through my system so fast. My throat hurts this morning, but it hasn't quite been 24 hours yet.

Being sick is definitely more difficult with a kid. All I want to do is lay down and sleep, but she wants to play, eat and be held. It's another one of those things you never realize until you are a parent. I always hear about the kids being sick, but the parent being sick is pretty bad too. Thankfully, I still have Stephen home so he's been a huge help.

AGM

9.09.09

3 weeks old!

Zoey is three weeks old today. It's amazing how fast time flies. It feels like it has been years and merely moments at the same time.

I'm feeling a lot better. I don't hurt anymore. As far as I can tell my stitches have healed. I'm feeling pretty good. I'm still tired a lot, but that is understandable. The only thing that is bothering me now is my flabby baby weight. I was never subconscious about my weight when I was pregnant, but now it's driving me crazy. I'm hesitant to much exercise until I go for my postpartum check up in a few weeks, but I think I might have to start something moderate and least go back to walking.

Zoey is doing great. She already has a lot of head control. She can sit up with support for at least two minutes before her head droops. She loves to look around and will already follow objects with her eyes. She will already put weight on both her legs if she is standing. She will grasps objects when placed in her hand, even if only for a minute or so for now. I'm so proud of our baby girl!

She is very wide-eyed and alert when she is awake. She is so much fun to play with. We talk about things and read books. She's gotten to meet lots of people. Our family have all return to their own lives, but now our friends are starting to visit. She has been really good every time we have taken her out. Even when she isn't sleeping she is quiet and looks around taking it all in.

She actually sleeps pretty good. She will sleep through the night (aka. 4-6 hours straight usually from about midnight to five - give or take) about 30% of the time. I always feel rested on those nights, but I still try to take a nap because I have a hard time going on only 4-6 hours of sleep. I think it is more getting used to a different routine at this point. Stephen and I both have a hard time making new habits when it comes to sleeping. He has been having a hard time going to sleep and I just wake up really hard. It is a lot to get used to, but we have lots of time and in theory her sleeping will get better too.

So three weeks down and forever to go. I look forward to the forever part. She is such a joy to have. There are difficult times like the sleep lost, not being able to get chores done, not being able to leave the house and worrying she will get hurt, but it is worth it and she is so wonderful.

AGM

9.08.09

Sleep Deprivation

So the one thing I miss as a new mom is sleep. (Anyone who has ever had a newborn would agree I'm sure).

Zoey does a really good job of getting at least 3 consecutive hours of sleep, which is great for mom and dad. However, even with that I still feel very tired. One night she will sleep through the night, not getting up at all and the next night she will be up twice. She is so small, I can't demand consistancy of her yet (not that kids are ever really consistant).

I think the thing that gets me most is the inital waking up. I have never been good at waking up immediately to the first alarm. I generally need a few minutes to open my eyes and become aware of my surroundings. I tend to be one that snoozes the alarm several times before getting up. However, Zoey does not have a snooze button and when she's hungry there is no calming her without getting up to feed her. The worst part is just waking up so abrubtly. I hope I can get used to it.

I do enjoy the mornings. I tend to stay away and write for a couple hours and then take a nap with Zoey. I really like the peace and chance to work in the morning. I definatly am more productive in the morning and Zoey is giving me a chance to take advantage of that.

Zoey has also been fighting sleep hard, especially at night. She has a hard time falling asleep, but once she gets asleep it is a deep sleep. So generally, I dislike nighttime and love the mornings (after I wake up a little bit).

AGM

9.5.09

Zoey Sleeps through the Night

I love our baby girl. She is two weeks and few days old and she slept through the night last night! I was so excited, I almost didn't believe it when I woke up this morning. We put her to bed as we went to bed just before midnight and she didn't wake up until 5am this morning. It may not seem like many hours, but those 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep did wonders after 2 plus weeks of broken sleep. I still woke up a little groggy, but I immediately felt rested.

Our baby girl is growing so fast...but sleeping through the night is one milestone I will enjoy. I hope she can keep doing it at least the majority of the time.

Before to long I might even become a morning person. I always feel more productive when I get an early start. I have been enjoying my time in the quiet where I can read and write. Yes, I believe I could get used to this as long as I can continue to get some sleep at night. Eventually, I might even start going to bed earlier.

Hurray, Zoey slept through the night. She seems very rested as well. She's staying awake more during the day too. It is fun to interact with her throughout the day. I'm so proud of my little girl.

AGM

9.4.09