Friday, September 25, 2015

What is Normal Anyway?

For the last, going on, four weeks now, I've been waiting for that normal routine where I will be able to get so much writing done and I will feel great and rested and well...sane. However, it's been one thing after another preventing my perfect schedule from becoming a reality.

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First, there was a week of free time between summer camp and school. That week was planned for and I looked forward to all the time with Zoey. But then the teacher's strike happened, adding 6 more days that Zoey was home when she was supposed to be in school. I enjoyed the time with her, but we had no routine because she could go back to school any day. So it ended up being a free for all where we looked for things to do and in the end beat her Skylanders Trap Team video game that she got for her birthday with of all that extra time.

Finally, she got back into school, but there was an issue with transportation. For an unknown reason, the bus wasn't picking her up in the morning and arriving extremely late bringing her home in the afternoon. This caused me great stress and time trying to figure out what was going on and what we could do about it. This is still an issue going into the third week of school.

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Just to top things off, my work schedule was changed this week due to an overnight shift to complete inventory. The evening went well enough, but it always messes up my internal clock. It got my non-existing routine off even further because my body has an unusually lethargic process to get back into the order of day and night. I felt tired and off for a couple days after that one. I'm so thankful that I was working part time or I couldn't imagine the stress I would have had during the strike. As it stood, we managed, only sacrificing routine (and writing time).

So now it's been a good three weeks since normal, and only about four weeks since my part time schedule kicked in. I still haven't had this magical time where I can write and get everything else done. I still feel overwhelmed and off balanced.

So, I propose this question...

What is normal anyway?

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I'm beginning to think "normal" is a fairy tale, an imaginary place, that we can only dream about. Thus, I'm done letting my circumstances and timing control me. I'm tired of letting things happen to me. It's time to be proactive! I'm going to sit down and make it work. So here I am, at a computer once again and let me tell you...it feels good to write.

Focus on the other hand is still a problem, but hey...baby steps.

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Looking back on my posts, I'm publishing about once a week. I want to make that three times a week. However, what you don't see are all the words going into Google Docs that make up my novel. That is what I'm really excited about. I still put thoughts on a page, but it is different to really get into the story and spend time developing characters and plot. I'm looking forward to getting into the heart of my story.

And we'll see what ends up on my blog. I love the space for thoughts and rants like this. I would usually hesitate to post something like this, but the more writers and artists I meet the more I see that these trivial things, like real life, get in the way of our creative ambitions. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in the distractions and the quest to balance family, work, social life and the need to express myself creatively. I hope to be encouraging to someone else who is going through a hard time trying to balance everything. This is my outlet, my communication and my way to understand things, including my own confusing emotions. I'm not perfect, far from it, but I'm trying. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's hard. But no matter what it is, let's do it together. You are not alone, and neither am I.

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So what is normal? I believe normal is whatever we want it to be. I don't like feeling overwhelmed and my fear is that is becoming "normal." I want to change that. So, here I am writing it down and demanding a change of myself. No more fretting about getting things done. It all happens in it's own time. It's time to take a step back, write it down, take a deep breath, edit what I wrote down and begin all over again.

So here it is...imperfections and all. What is your normal? Does it need to change?

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