I don't know why this particular incident popped into my head, but I suddenly found it hilarious and meaningful. Perhaps you can relate...
The other day I was having a bad day (Go ahead and take a minute to sing the song...). I mean one of those days where you just want to go back to bed and pull the covers over your head and pretend to be anywhere else. I can't even explain it, I was feeling bad and somehow every single little thing was getting on my last nerve.
At this point, it was afternoon. T-minus 75 minutes before Stephen gets home from work and all hell breaks loose. At least in my mind it does. Eli pees on my bag and soaks it and everything in it all the way through (I love the dog, but come on!) And then Zoey has a hissy fit whenever I try to change her diaper. I mean all out screaming like I am hurting her by trying to make sure she butt stays dry. Ahhhhh!!!!
I'm done. I don't even get a new diaper on her. I need a time out. I get up and walk to my room and softly shut the door. I barely get the pillow on my head before Zoey comes banging on the door. (Thankfully she can't just open it yet.) I call to her calmly, "Mommy needs a time out right now, please give me a minute." She pauses like she is contemplating, then BANG BANG BANG! Ahhhhh!!!! I tell her again that Mommy needs a minute. Again with the banging. I tell her this time, "If Mommy can't get a minute, I'm not going to be able to stop myself from yelling."
BANG BANG BANG
I open the door and just start yelling (Not my finest moment). Not at Zoey really just nonsense about why does the dog have to pee on everything, why can't you just let me put a diaper on you like a civilized toddler (yeah right) and how I can't get a moment in edgewise to myself...
Is that laughing?
I stop mid ramble to Zoey laughing at me. She is looking at me dead in the eye, butt-naked by the way, with those eyes that shine with a beautiful light and smile going from ear to ear. She was laughing at me. The little punk. I couldn't believe, I was shocked. Because it wasn't a condescending laugh, it was a "Silly Mommy, why are you being so serious" laugh.
And then I cried. Why was I being so serious? Did anything happen that couldn't be cleaned or that didn't happen any other day for that matter. Why was I so affected today? And the answer, I have no idea. But sometimes you just get to your wits end and can't handle anymore. I was there and it took my pint-sized wild child to remind me that life isn't always pretty, sometimes it's just life. And sometimes you just need to laugh.