Pinterest: Teacher workstation, BLT roll ups and more!

I am addicted to Pinterest. I like to post a collection of my favorite Pinteresting things so I can remember to smile and maybe even actually create some of the awesome things I find on the Site all the time.

Here are a few Pinteresting things from this week...

1. Teacher Workstation

One Extra Degree

I am beginning, in earnest, preschool homeschool for Zoey this fall. I have been working on gathering materials and creating an organized space so I know where everything is. This website has some great ideas for organizing a  classroom, which I can alter to fit our home environment. 

2. BLT Roll ups

Recipe Kitchen

This is a simple recipe that looks delicious. I do a similar appetizer that includes cream cheese and ham among other spices that is a big hit. This is a slightly different option that I believe would be wonderful. I'm also looking for small menu items for Zoey's party in August and this might just be perfect for the occasion.

3. Family Photo Wreath

The Crafting Chicks

This is an awesome gift idea. I do mostly photo gifts for our family for holidays, birthdays, etc. This is offered as a Valentine's Day gift, but I think it would make a lovely Christmas gift as well. In fact, I already have a couple ideas to make it personal to give to Grandparents.

4. Imagination

Writer's Block

I love this piece of art because it is often how I feel. My mind is often embellishing and creating art, usually through words or photography. I love to dream in color and see the world for its incredible beauty. This artist captured a great idea that I can absolutely relate to. 

5. Homemade Water Sprinkler

When the Dinner Bell Rings

It is unbelievably hot this week, so I was really excited to find this particular idea. This is a great, cheap way to stay cool this summer. I think I would enjoy this as much as Zoey or the dogs in this heat. We would have a blast running under the water. We could even put it under Zoey's little splash pool to fill it and not waste the water and play longer.

I hope you have a wonderful and creative weekend. 

Introducing Our Little Bean

We had our first prenatal appointment today! The appointment went really well. We found out that our little bean is not as far along as we orignially thought. Since my cycles are further apart than "normal" the calculations are about a week off making our little bean at about 5 weeks instead of 6 weeks. This was no surprise to me or the OB so all is well. It brings the due date up to approximately the first week in March (3/1/13).

I have another appointment in two weeks to measure little bean again. This will both make sure baby is growing according to schedule and give a more precise due date. I was very relived by this because I wanted the conformation that little bean is growing the way she (or he) should.

I have to admit, I was a bit nervous about this appointment because of my previous two miscarriages since Zoey, but I was reassured. There is still a chance of miscarriage, just as there always is, but so far everything looks great and my OB told me not to worry. It sounds more confident when coming from the doctor. Her final words on the subject were "cautious optimism." I can't argue with that. She explained how she has no idea what could have changed to cause the miscarriages because "we know you can carry a baby full term."

She also gave me some specific vitamins that will hopefully help the chances of the pregnancy holding strong. Her words were "the worse thing is they do nothing, the best thing is they make the difference." That is enough for me. I'll do whatever I can to increase the chances of carrying our little bean to term and holding her (or him) in my arms.

Overall, the appointment went great. I feel more confident about the pregnancy now that I've seen the OB and our little bean. The Doctor gave a positive clean bill of health. The baby, even though it is really early on in the pregnancy, and the uterus looks healthy, strong and completely ready to accept the pregnancy and hold it. For me that is wonderful news. I feel like I can breath again and relax a little more in this pregnancy. Right now, I'm excited about this baby and our beautiful future with little bean in it.

Thank you for your prayers and I ask that you continue to keep us in your hearts.

My Favorite Things

I feel like I have been very deep lately. I have been soul searching and finding some strength within myself that only God knew I had. So today, I want to lighten things up a bit. I want to relax a little and focus on some of the things that make my heart smile.

These are 10 of my favorite things that I love to do...

1. Playing with Zoey

Somehow, interacting with a three year old everyday keeps me feeling young (except for when I can feel that I'm getting older by how tired I can be at the end of the day.) Okay, so I feel young at heart. I love molding playdough, reading simple stories together, coloring and drawing, running outside playing kitchen and pretend. My little girl has an incredible imagination. One of our favorite games together is to play "The Princess and thwe e Dinosaur" a game she made up where one of us is the princess and the other is the dinosaur chasing her while she tries to run away. It always ends in giggles and a slow afternoon come to life.

2. Spending time with Stephen

I feel blessed that my husband is also my best friend. I love when we go out and do thing together, but I also love when we just sit together and talk about anything and everything. We also play video games, read, and watch TV together. Even if we are doing two different things, just spending time in the same room, talking idly feels like quality time. I love my husband and spending time with him is definitely at the top of my list.

3. Scrapbooking

Scrapbooking has been a consistent hobby of mine since college. It is the one thing that I manage to keep up with (for the most part at least) and find complete joy in doing. It combines my favorite two things, page design and memories. I have come to terms as I have gotten older that I don't have the best memory. I often forget details and even entire events over the course of time. With scrapbooking, not only do I enjoy putting the pages together, but I love looking back and remembering all of the little moments together. This has been especially wonderful since Zoey was born. It's such a blessing to look back and watch her grow up through the pages of my scrapbooks over the last couple years.

4. Reading

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I love to read and have my entire life. I chew through books all the time. If it were't for the library I would go broke buying books to read and sometimes re-read. I love getting lost in the mysteries and getting excited about characters meeting and growing as people. Often particular characters stay with me long after the book is finished. These are the books that are really well written and speak to me personally. I love to get caught up in other's stories to keep my mind occupied and to get away from the world for awhile. My favorite author of the moment is Sarah Addison Allen who writes loves stories with a little bit of magic woven in. I would recommend any of her novels, they are all amazing.

5. Writing

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Writing is my way to sort through my thoughts. I learn, understand and make conclusions best by writing. I enjoy writing and finding new ways to describe beauty. I love to write poetry, prose and even research documents. I am currently working on a fiction novel that though is a long way from being completed, gives me great joy to create a world and what characters develop in it. I figure most people with a blog understand this in some way because that is what a blog is, a journal, a written form to share your thoughts with the world.

6. Photography

I have a natural eye for photography. I am not the best and I don't have all the awesome computer programs and cameras (though it is one of distant dreams to have such.) However, I have a small camera that takes really good photos and I not only get awesome photos of Zoey and my family, but I also get great shots of landscapes, architecture and the world in motion. I just a lot of my photography on this blog as well because photographs are how I translate my visual creativity. I cannot draw well at all, but I can take a good picture. It also goes hand in hand with scrapbooking to recollect my memories and to capture beauty.

7. Baking and Cooking

This is a fairly new one for me. I have always loved being in the kitchen because it is the social place in my house and it was when I was growing up too. We stand or sit in the kitchen and talk about everything. It is a comforting place for me and I love teaching Zoey all about cooking. Recently, however, I really started delving into recipes and cooking (and baking) from scratch instead of from boxes. This is one way to save money, but more importantly I enjoy seeing raw ingredients come together to make something wonderful and delicious. Now baking and cooking are definitely on my favorite things to do list.

8. Music

I don't do this one often enough lately. I played in the band in high school (since middle school to high school). I played the trumpet and then the french horn (mellophone for marching). This began my love for creating music. I also taught myself how to play the piano. I love music and it has always had a special meaning to me. I listen to all kinds of music all the time, often when I write, for example, or do anything really. Stephen is a wonderful musician. He plays guitar, bass and drums mostly. I am barely an amateur musician, but I still find joy in it.

9. Calling a friend

This seems silly to put on this list, but as I've gotten older and more busy since Zoey was born, it really is a special treat to sit and talk to a friend. I have kept relatively well in touch with several friends from high school and college and I am thankful that I still have people who have known me over the years. We are always making new friends that are local and we spend time with them often. However, there is something special about keeping a friendship over the distance of space and time. Those are the people I go to when I just need moral support, someone to laugh with or just a familiar voice to make me smile.

10. Nothing

My final favorite thing that I love to do is nothing. There is something so peaceful about just letting your mind go and resting your body. That feeling is increased if I am outside or if it is raining. Being outside and in nature makes me feel connected and even closer to God. Taking a deep breath and letting that true joy settle into my spirit is an irresistible feeling. It is a moment to be at one with the universe and no matter what is happening a calm rests over me and I know beyond doubt that God is in control watching over all of us and everything is going to be alright.


That is just what I needed, to relax and remember how my favorite things make me smile. It is so easy to get caught up in the everyday and the deep, soul-searching thoughts. However, I enjoy taking a deep breath, relaxing my body and my mind and remembering how much God loves me. In just a moment I can feel that complete joy overtake my body and mind again to reline myself and allow all of my study and prayers bring me closer and closer to God.

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I ask, dear friends, that you take just a moment to pray for me and my family as we go to our first prenatal appointment tomorrow. I am so excited and so nervous about this one. I know God is in control and he is watching over us. Pray that our baby is growing just like he or she should and this pregnancy goes full term so we can invite a precious new family member into our family. I have learned through two miscarriages that these are God's children and I am just their earthly mother guide. I cherish every moment with my daughter and I pray to be able to be that guiding light to another baby. Thank you friends. I hope you have a wonderful day today and a wonderful Friday as well.

Satan: The Enemy

Mary DeMuth, in her novel "Beautiful Battle," does a very good job of describing the character of Satan so he is easy to understand, especially within the confines of this book. This is a part that isn’t so much discovering something about yourself as it is learning about Satan and who our foe really is. It is educational and insightful.

For my response to this particular chapter about Satan, I am going to do more of a summary adding in other sources and pieces I have learned about the Devil. Since this is a chapter about gaining knowledge, I will lay that out in a way to come back to if I ever need to remember who we are dealing with when it comes to Spiritual Warfare.

DeMuth opens Chapter Two up with a quote from C.S. Lewis:

“There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them. They themselves are equally pleased by both errors, and hail a materialist or magician with the same delight.”

C.S. Lewis
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This quote sums up DeMuth’s points on the Devil well. Satan is an enemy of God, one who seeks to destroy. By not believing in him, we give him power as we do by obsessing over his existence. It is important to acknowledge Satan, but only with the understanding that he can not harm those who are protected by the blood of Jesus.

Who is Satan?

The origin of Satan is a debated topic. There is no storyline of “The Fall,” of angels falling from the grace of God lead by Satan, but several verses and philosophies have painted this picture. This is the context that DeMuth uses in her descriptions of Satan. He was the chief of the angels that became discontent in giving all the glory to God, he wanted to keep the focus on himself and his power. Satan was banished from heaven leaving him angry and vengeful against God. 

Depiction of Satan
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DeMuth mentions two verses (Isaiah 14:4, 12-15 and Ezekiel 28:2, 12-17) in which “the Fall” of Satan is described. These are the only two verses I can find upon further research on the subject.

“How you are fallen from heaven, O shining star, son of the morning! You have been thrown down to the earth, you who destroyed the nations of the world. For you said to yourself, “I will ascend to heaven and set my throne above God’s stars. I will preside on the mountains of the gods far away to the north. I will climb to the highest heavens and be like the Most High.” Instead, you will be brought down to the place of the dead, down to its lowest depths.” (Isaiah 14:12-15)

This does describe “The Fall” as we have come to understand it. But it must not have been very important to God for he did not see it necessary to include it in the Bible. It seems that the origin of Satan is not incredibly important. But there are many glimpses of Satan throughout the Bible and especially in Revelation. This tells me it is important to know Satan and what his games are so we can overcome his tricks.

Denying Satan
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Often in the Bible, we see the phrase “of the world.” In most cases, this is a reference to the Devil since he is “thrown down to earth.” John states that “the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10a). By putting these two ideas together, of Satan being ruler of the earth and coming to destroy good we can begin to see the method of Satan’s tricks against humanity.

I say this to explain why when DeMuth provides the verse 1 John 2:16, it is to set up and very forcible equation of how Satan works. He wants pleasure, stuff and achievement (DeMuth p24). She continues with this theme to show how Satan fell; he wanted the pleasure of worship, the the abilities of God and creation and the recognition for making it happen. He uses the same equation on us; he tells us to seek the pleasure, we need the stuff and we deserve the recognition of achievements.

“For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world” (1 John 2:16).

Satan was jealous of God’s love for humanity. DeMuth explains that his jealousy was the cause of Satan’s interference in the Garden of Eden that caused Eve and Adam to bite the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge and cause humanity to also Fall, very similar to Satan (DeMuth 24). It also brought humanity within Satan’s power. He also realized that by hurting humanity, he also hurt God, which fit into his plan of retaliation again the Most High.

The Garden of Eden
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Even though Satan is “of the world,” he is also permitted to roam in heaven and converse with God. We see this clearly in the book of Job.

“One day the angels came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came with them. The Lord said to Satan, “Where have you come from?” Satan answered the Lord, “From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it” (Job 1:6-7).

Through the years and his comfort level with God, Satan became complacent despite being “Fallen.” He felt like he had control, that he one day may win the war with God and get his revenge. However, God sent his Son to earth to walk among Satan’s domain and see for himself what it was like on Earth among his people.

The Blood of Jesus covers us and makes us whole. When we are filled with “Living Waters” and our gaping holes are overflowing with God’s light, Satan cannot trick us or harm us. We will join Jesus in triumph over the Devil God cast out. Then we can tell the world of our victories in Jesus.

“They triumphed over him [the accuser, Satan] by the blood of the Lamb [Jesus] and by the word of their testimony” (Revelation 12:11a).

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Satan is always looking for ways to hurt God. He knows that by hurting us, he hurts God. He is cunning and manipulative. He tempts us, seduces us, deceives us, lies to us, and seeks to destroy our connection to God. He fights against the individual and against the church. There is no way to battle Satan on your own, but with God’s Word and the Blood of Jesus he doesn’t stand a chance. We can be confident in the realm of Spiritual Warfare battling on the same side as Jesus as long as we are covered by his blood.

The best part about talking about Satan is that I read the end of the book, the Bible. The good guys win. Jesus emerges triumphant as does all who follow him.

“And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever” Revelation 20:10.

*Note: This is a series that I will link up with at "Joyful Mothering;" however, the group discussion will not begin until later this fall. For now, I feel compelled to continue studying and posting what I learn.

Devotional Study based on "Beautiful Battle" a novel by Mary DeMuth.

The Beautiful Battle Series:
Part One: Foundations
Introduction: "Warrior Women"
Chapter One: “Beautiful Battle”

Chapter One: "Woman at the Well"

Wordless Wednesday: Take Flight

Take Flight

Witnessing the World

Zoey and I went to play at the “Dragon” park, we call it because there is a big, red Dragon head to play on. We had a lot of fun, as usual. We played together for a while, but per usual she wanted her independence to play with the other kids without Mommy around. I gladly took my inevitable seat at a picnic table under a tree and pulled out my book. Have I mentioned I've been waiting for this opportunity for relaxing park trips for almost three years now. I love it, Zoey gets lots of energy out and though we play some together, I get to relax outside too.

Zoey on top of the red dragon's head

On this day, we were surprised when two big county vans pulled up full with women and children. Some women were older, some really young with kids, toddlers and even little babies. It was nice to see the playground full of kids and Zoey had a blast making new friends.

"Titanic" anyone?

A couple of the ladies sat at the picnic table with me and we began to chat. They were very sweet people and I could tell how glad they were to be out at the park with their kids. I found out that the group was from the local Women's Shelter. The shelter helps to keep women, especially those with children off the streets, provides food, clothes and even education. Most of the women were indeed either finishing high school or beginning a bachelor's degree through a program with a local community college.   

Zoey pretending to be a chef

I felt very blessed that I was able to be there and talk with these women. Zoey had fun with all the kids and it turned out to be one of the best park adventures in a while. I said a prayer for all of these women and kids when we left. My heart poured out to them and their hardships. I do not know if they had Christ in their heart, but enjoying the moment and meeting people who make them feel good about themselves is always a kindness.

Ride 'em cowgirl!

After my interactions with these women I stopped for a moment and felt extremely blessed for my family and my husband who is a light in my life and an amazing Dad to Zoey. I thank God everyday day for my blessings and I treasure my relationship with him. 

Zoey zipping down the slide

I thank God for the opportunity to be a light to someone and be able to learn from an everyday situation. Always be thankful for what you have, for the love God provides no matter what state you are in, and to lift prayers and aid to those who are in need. 

Zoey conquering the gap

"In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” Acts 20:35

My Beautiful Zoey,
I thank God for her everyday.

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

Warrior Women

I love that Demuth calls us “Warrior Women.” That is a very powerful title meant for all Christian women in a world that doesn’t always look at the female population as being powerful. We live in a patriarchal society and in History and Christianity there are not many records of women being at the forefront or often even mattering. We are to serve others, that is true, but it does not mean we are suppose to bow down and let others walk all over us. It means that we are strong enough to help others, we are strong enough to care for our homes and our families, we are strong enough to lift our heads high and praise our Father. We are strong women, we are warrior women who get things done and can truly make an impact on the world around us.

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"She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: 'Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.'" Proverbs 31:25-29

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"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up." Deuteronomy 6:5-7

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"In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:23-24

*Note: This is a series that I will link up with at "Joyful Mothering;" however, the group discussion will not begin until later this fall. For now, I feel compelled to continue studying and posting what I learn.

Devotional Study based on "Beautiful Battle" a novel by Mary DeMuth.

The Beautiful Battle Series:

Chapter One: "Woman at the Well"

Chapter One: “Beautiful Battle”

Ecclesiastes (Bible in 90 Days)

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 Solomon wrote Ecclesiastes late in his life as he looked back with repentance at not keeping God close to him. Ecclesiastes is a critical essay, a sermon, to teach future generations what took Solomon a lifetime to learn—life without God is meaningless.

Solomon had it all. He was king with power over all the Israel and influence throughout the world. He had tremendous wealth and built a magnificent temple for God. He had a sharp mind and was known as the wisest man alive, thanks to God’s blessing of wisdom.

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However, it wasn’t enough. No amount of materialistic items can grant happiness or fulfillment. Solomon was a good man, but he lost his devotion to God among his power, wealth and wisdom. Looking back at life, Solomon saw it all as meaningless. He wanted to teach others what it took him a lifetime to learn:

“That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad.” Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

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            One of my favorite passages of the bible is “A Time for Everything…” Ecclesiastes 3:1-15.

“For everything there is a season,

A time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.

A time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Pinterest: Candy Necklaces, Fruit Salsa and More!

I LOVE Pinterest! These are a few of the wonderful things I have found on Pinterest this week.

Candy Necklace

Kinser Event Company

I love this candy necklace idea. It will be great when Zoey's cousins come down to have a candy necklace party. The Website also suggests this as a party favor idea. That could be great too since Zoey's birthday party is coming up in a couple months. Not to mention, I think this would be fun to partake in on a summer afternoon.

Fruit Salsa with Baked Cinnamon Chips

Parenting

http://aunnajames.blogspot.com/2011/08/ineeda-box-aka-car-emergency-kit.html

This recipe combines two of our favorite foods, salsa and fruit. Mexican is one of our most eaten type of food and I can not manage to keep fruit in the house because no matter how much I by it all gets eaten very quickly. This is the perfect recipe for us and it looks delicious.

Car Emergency Kit

Rip in My Jeans

I love this idea. When Zoey was little we had something similar to this, but it was more of a baby emergency kit (extra diapers, wipes, baby Tylenol, blanket, etc.) Once she outgrew those things we just took it out. But now, I think this would be just as useful, especially on our long trip this summer. That way we don't have to pack those emergency and extra items, we can just make a car emergency kit and have it all there since we are almost always near the car if not at the house.

Scrapbook Display

Ginny Brown

Right now all of my scrapbooks are on a shelf. It would be nice to make them a more decorative part of the house and easier to get to. Although, my scrapbooks are pretty heavy so they would have to be some heavy duty plate hangers. Still, it is an awesome idea for my scrapbooks and the house.

Two Couples

My New Master

This is a beautiful painting by Leonid Afremov. I love his work. It is so colorful and bright, it just makes me feel happy. The link under the picture is to a Website where you can order his works. This Pinterest I added just because it is beautiful and we can always use more beauty in the world.

Dear Friday, I Have a Good Feeling

Dear Friday,
I have a good feeling in my heart. I have a good feeling about this pregnancy, I have a good feeling about my family and I have a good feeling about all of our adventures this summer and fall. I simple have a good feeling and it makes my heart glad. 

Dear Zoey, 

I love how you make me laugh. I am trying so hard to stay constantly positive and in good spirits lately and you have helped me more than you can imagine. You challenge me in ways I did not even know possible, but you are a light in my life and I love you.

Dear Baby in my Belly,

I am so glad that you are here with me! I hope that I can carry you full term and hold you in my arms. I can't wait to see you and not be able to remember our family without you. I pray you are healthy, intelligent and strong. I have a good feeling about you. You are going to be a Blessing to many!

Dear Stephen, 

Thank you for loving us so much! I also thank you that you have enormous amounts of patience when Zoey wants to help you fix things. You let her touch and use the tools and look over your shoulder. She is learning so much and it makes my heart happy to watch the two of you together. 

Dear Zeus,

You can sometimes drive me crazy, like when you chew through the lawn mower cord or dig around in my garden, but I am so happy that Zoey has someone to play with. You make her laugh in a way I can not. There is a very special bond between a kid and her puppy. I hope you both grow up loving to hang out together. And I hope you stop chewing on stuff so much, but we are working on it, and you are still a puppy.

Dear Pool,

Thank you for being so refreshing and warm. Zoey had a great time swimming yesterday and so did I. It was great to talk to friends and swim laps. I love pool exercise because it is low impact, but you feel like you worked out so much.

Dear Little People,

You were a huge part of my childhood. I loved playing with Little People. In this generation, they look a little different, but the enjoyment of playing with them for hours is still the same. I am so glad Zoey gets a chance to enjoy this little boost of imagination like I did as a kid.

Dear All-Recipe.com,

You are awesome when I need to find a new yummy dish to cook. This week it was to make white (shrimp) sauce to go with my pork fried rice and stir fry. It was pretty good, definitely just the addition to make the meal outstanding. (I'll post the recipe soon!)

Dear Dora cards,

You have been an amazing tool to teach Zoey how to sort, count, deal and even begin to play some fun games. I love being able to use random toys, crafts and even a fun deck of cards to teach Zoey new things. I am actually impressed that she now knows all the character's names. Of course, Boots is her favorite because he is a monkey. At least that is what she told me.

Dear Friends,

Thank you for reading my little blog. I tend to pour my heart out and I appreciate the feedback and support you give me. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers as this baby develops and our family grows. Thank you for letting me write and get all of my thoughts and emotions out of myself. 

God Bless You!

Linking up with:

My Pregnancy Fears

I just found out that I am pregnant! I'm so excited! 

My positive pregnancy test! Hooray!

But then, all of these fears come out. Let me explain...

I have no fear of being pregnant. It's hard at times, like anyone who has ever been pregnant will tell you, but being pregnant is beautiful.

My fear comes in a different form. My fear is losing the baby. My last two pregnancies were miscarriages. And I am terrified that it will happen again.

I have one daughter, Zoey, who is almost three. She has been a blessing and a constant light in our family. I had an easy pregnancy with her, a natural delivery and lots of time to enjoy her smiles and kisses.

Zoey and her huge, infectious smile

Last year we were so excited when I became pregnant in March. However, in April 2011 I was devastated when I miscarried at 10 weeks. I wrote about that time a lot which helped me to find joy in God's grace once again.

We waited a few months and then was so excited in November that I was pregnant again. We decided not to tell anyone until the end of the first trimester. This was the worst thing I could have done. After I miscarried again at the very end of December 2011, no one knew. It was so much worse. I didn't talk about it, I didn't deal with it, I just wanted to forget it ever happened. Of course, I could never do that. I was torn up, I didn't even want to try for more kids after that.

As you can tell by the opening of this post, that didn't last too long. But I am terrified that it will happen again. I'm not sure if I can handle it three times. It is too much. My theory is, if I can get all of these fears out in the open, then they won't consume my heart anymore and I can relax, a least a little bit.

My heart's desire is to have a house full of people. It always has. I wanted several kids. I have to admit I get a little jealous when I read about all of these moms who have two, three...six kids. I want that, I want a big family.

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I know that I am still young and there is plenty of time for kids, but having two miscarriages feels like a sign that it will not happen. I pray that it will.

I am really early in my pregnancy. I am only 5 weeks. I have already set appointments to talk with a nurse next week and to see my doctor in two weeks (the earliest they can accurately detect the baby). I am nervous and excited at the same time.

I ask for prayers to cover this baby. I pray that he or she is healthy, intelligent and strong. Most importantly, I pray that he or she is born. The due date is estimated as February 17. Zoey would be three and a half years old then. I hope and pray that we can introduce our new bundle of joy into the world then.

So there it is...my fears all out there for all to see and read. The Devil can not distract me with those fears anymore. I am at peace with the two babies that are already in the arms of Jesus.

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I know it is really early to announce my pregnancy, but I want to shout it from the rooftops! I am so blessed to have another chance to give birth. I want to share this joyous news to everyone so we can celebrate this blessing. I want everyone to know so I have to deal with whatever happens. I ask for prayer warriors to say a small prayer for this unborn baby and my family. 

I want my fears to completely leave me so I can simply enjoy being pregnant. I am praying with God continually and through my quiet time I understand that this is the next step to make that reality. To admit my fears and proclaim to the world and Satan that these fears will not control me. I am beautiful in God's eyes and all of my babies are worth everything to me.

I thank God for this forum and the beautiful people I connect with who are inspiring and Godly women (and men). I'm going to stop talking now because I have run out of things to say. But I pray for God to allow this baby to be welcomed into the world in 9 months as a beautiful addition to our family. I know he or she will always be God's child, but I would love to hold him or her in my arms and to watch and guide him or her as he or she grows up.