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When I began this week of "A Confident Heart," thinking about past pain, I assumed I would once again speak about my miscarriages. But I pretty much covered that last week in my post titled, "God's Unfailing Love."
Instead, God placed something else on my heart to explore. We all have pain from the past, and yes it is very important to deal with so we can move forward. But what happens to the pain, the struggle, we are dealing with right now?
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Now, I am having a hard time letting that go. I look back and feel shame for that moment. It didn't matter that I was at an emotional low or that the news blindsided me. I am supposed to be growing in spiritual maturity, not failing around in the arms of doubt. I should have gone to God first and believed in the very first moment that God was wholeheartedly in control.
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It only took a moment. One moment for my entire perspective to shift. It only took a moment for doubt to come in and overtake me.
Even now that I know everything is alright and that my Dad may even come out of this better than he went in if he upholds his promise to live healthier. Somehow the doubt, that shadow, is still over me. It is like I'm seeing through a fuzzy glass, I can't concentrate, and I am having trouble really holding onto the peace I know God promises. I feel it slipping through my fingers.
I don't want to live in fear or respond in anger. I've been there before and it wasn't good. I want to over come the doubt, I want to keep moving forward.
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Philippians 4:6 -- "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Romans 8:28 -- "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
John 10:10 -- "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
John 8:36 -- "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."
Jeremiah 29:11 -- "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Isaiah 40:31 -- "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
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We will continue to be tempted, especially by doubt, for as long as we live. But God has overcome the world and He lives in me. I will keep moving forward, covered by God's love and His strength.
Check out my Daily Devotions:
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This inspiration comes from a
Bible study I am doing through
Your perspective IS changing, you ARE moving forward. It's so evident in your post today. Your strength is in Him. He will not fail you. I know I struggle with those reactionary moments too and then beat myself up about how I should have responded, BUT the good news is that God is the same God who changed so many ordinary people and even doubters, and He is changing us. It's a process in our walk of obedience to Him. Keep being a beacon and obedient dear sister. I am sure your Dad can see this too and I wish him a healthier life now and I am so thankful to God that the stroke was not as bad as it could have been. Heavenly Father, I pray that you give Amanda comfort knowing that You are Sovereign, that You hold her precious heart in Your hands, that You give the health care professionals the wisdom and guidance they need to take care of all medical matters with her Dad, that You give her Dad a new perspective - whether He knows you or not - I pray that He will know you deeper and more intimately through this experience. I pray that Amanda's doubts and fears send her directly to You, Lord. In Jesus' precious name, Amen.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your prayers! And thank you for the encouragement. I am thankful that God is with us throughout our journey, walking with us and never leaving us. I know that I could not do anything without Him.
DeletePraise the Lord that your dad's condition is improving and doing so, so quickly! Sometimes when we find ourselves with the weight of the world thrown upon our shoulders, it's easy to fall back on old habits. It's also often said that when you're living a Godly life, one full of living in His word and praising His name, we often find ourselves thwarted and attacked by the evil one, often times harder than if we were taking the journey alone. So don't get caught up in the moment of doubt that you experienced. Don't allow yourself to beat yourself up over a moment of panic when you believed a situation to be too big for God. We're all human and we all struggle, and will continue to do so until the day He chooses for us. Allow this moment to only be a reminder of the struggles that God places before us, guiding us to rely on Him that much more heavily. Remember, we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength! Philippians 4:13.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouraging words! It is true, the enemy hits harder when we are walking with God. It is a reminder of how far I have come, sometimes you don't even realize that you are constantly improving as you walk with God day after day.
DeletePraise the Lord that your father's condition is improving and doing so, so quickly! Sometimes when the weight of the world is cast upon our shoulders, it is easy for us to fall back on old habits. This includes doubting. It is often said that when you live a Godly life, living in His word and praising His name, that you are often times thwarted and attacked by the evil one, sometimes more so than if you were walking the journey alone. So don't beat yourself up over the moment of panic where you doubted and believed that your situation was too big for God. You're human and bound to make mistakes. That's how we learn. Think, rather, that the moments that you catch yourself doubting are moments of improvement, as you are recognizing your frailties and dependence upon a strong and mighty God. Remember that God often places us in these situations, not as a test to see if we can refrain from doubting, but often as a reminder of how much we need Him. Because after all, we can do all things through CHRIST who gives us strength! (Philippians 4:13) - http://www.breething.com
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister! Love your closing paragraphs - and I'm walking right alongside you (virtually anyway!) as we move forward in the confidence that the Lord goes with us and before us. Stopping in from the P31 blog hop - and wishing you a blessed week!
ReplyDeleteThank you! It is so good to know that we do not walk alone! I am with you as you go through this next week too! God Bless!
DeleteI go through this almost every day, I get anxious and fear creeps in, I thank you for the scriptures that I can use to counteract when doubt and fear steps in.
ReplyDeleteThank you! It is good to know that I am not alone in my moments of doubt. Yes, scriptures are a proven way to counter the enemy's attacks! My prayers are with you this week! God Bless you!
DeleteAmanda I really enjoyed reading your post. Each of those verses I treasure. Although the enemy tried he failed and he will always fail. I love how you walked us through this attack of doubt and how you handled it with gods word! Great post! Stephanie Solberg - OBS Small Group Leader
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading and responding! The enemy will always attack, but God is stronger and He is with me always! My prayers are with you! God Bless!
DeleteWherever we are in our spiritual journey, I do think it is important to remember that we are human. God knows that and even when we have doubts, He is still waiting for us with His open, loving arms. Thank you for sharing this wonderful perspective on "moving forward"! Praying for your family and your dad's quick recovery!
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